Getting discharged = Mini Christmas.

SO I was released Wednesday afternoon from Barnes Jewish Hospital. Besides the obvious best things of getting out of the Hospital after a month long stay. (fet to sleep in own bed, watch big scree, play a little xbox, nudie magazines if your into that sort of thing, etc....) There are several good thing most people don't realize till later. With me having a cancer that affects my immune system I always have a a room to myself, that is completely sterilized and filled with fresh supplies.

Now I hate to compare what I do with what people who steal everything that isnt nailed down when they checkout. But it's kind of like that. Except for when they tell you that everythig has to be thrown away. So I'm here to tell you what to take and what not to take.

The first thing you need to know is that you should never, ever, ever, steal the towels or washclothes. Once you use them you can just toss them in the wastebasket that is labeled "linens" and they will bring you fresh new ones each day. Pro Tip- take or have brought to you a couple of your towels from home along with shampoo and body wash, also don't forget the loofah. (That's right, I use a loofah, got a problem with that!) This way you can use the hospitals towels as a make shift floor mat for your showers. There is another reason you don't want to take the towels and wash cloths home with you, I'm fairly certain they are made with a combination of sandpaper and dried gravel. Just a lovely feeling when drying off.

The important things you want to take. This may sound like Captain Obvious speaking, but first and foremost make sure you have your shit packed up and ready to go. If you leave something like a laptop an don't realize it till the next day you need to call right away and see if anyone has located it. On a lot of the floors they provide a key for your bedside dresser/nightstand so you can lock your valuables up. You heard me right folks, there are areas of the hospital where people are willing to steal from very ill people. However that does not apply on the 7900 and 5900 areas, The Ladies and gentlemen are the best in the business.

So now we have all our shit packed and are waiting till the nurse comes back with the discharge papers. Which usually takes an hour or more, which is plenty of time to scavange for good items. Now remember, they have to throw everything away, and as they say "your paying for it anyway). I just like to call it stealing, and I'm the Hudson Hawk of stealing this kind of stuff from the Hospital. The essentials: TAPE, there will be all kinds of tape in your room. Take as much as you can find. That stuff can come in useful for any type of injury. Your kid could cut themselves and you can clean the are with the alcohol wipes (that you liberated from the hospital) then after getting the area disinfected you can make a nice bandage out of the gauze pads. (That you also liberated from the hospital) Then you can make sure that guaze stays in place with the aforementioned tape!

There's not much more worth taking, thre is the mouth wash and if your a chemo patient you will want and need this mouth wash for when your mouth and throat go to hell for a few days. If you've had the pleasure of having to be taped up multiple times, there are also anti-sticky wipes and also bottles of sticky remover that you can put on the guaze pads. Which we stole last paragraph. Using the sticky remover with the guaze pad should create a perfect bandage for free! The hospital already charges you and your insurance enough, just consider yourself Robin Hood. Although I doubt any of us could shoot and arrow like that guy could. He had Middle Ages Swag.